Today is Monday, but for once I’m not dreading everything that entails.
Possibly because I will only be at work for three and a half hours, this morning. And then another two hours and fifteen minutes, tonight. In between that will be my Orientation for school. And I am so excited that I think today will probably fly by in a Friday-like manner.
Though my friend and conspirator, D, will be going to the Orientation as well, we’re going there separately. He works much closer to the campus than I do and he’ll be leaving work at noon rather than 12:30. He’ll basically get a fully hour to hang around while I will get there with about fifteen minutes to spare. I like being punctual. Especially when nervous.
My mother very kindly agree to pick me up and give me a ride to the Orientation, because I don’t drive and don’t really want to rely on D – just in case he bails, for some reason.
Even though he was the one who encouraged me to try nursing school, because he didn’t want to go through it alone, he’s actually been the one slacking on the enrollment requirements. All I’ve got left is getting a TB chest x-ray on Wednesday or Thursday, getting my second Varicella shot on the 12th, and finishing up my financial aid stuff. He’s still got to get most of his immunizations, his CPR certification, his TB x-ray, and his financial aid stuff. He’s got roughly until the 12th to complete everything.
I don’t know that he’s going to make that deadline. I might be going through school on my own, at least during the Spring Semester. A couple of month ago, when I first started seriously considering going, I was terrified even at the thought of going to the Nursing Information session – with him. Now, I’m telling him that I’m going to start with or without him, because I’ve vested too much energy into striving to make the April start.
Initially, I expected to quit work right away and simply go to school full time.
Now, however, I’m going to attempt to hold down my full time job while also doing 12 credit hours a semester. I don’t know how well this is going to work out, but I feel obligated to make an effort. I have several friends who have stressed to me that it will be next to impossible to work at all during my second year of the RN Associate’s degree program at the college, but that just makes me more determined to attempt to get through it during the first year – or at least during part of it. I want to try, anyway.
It occurred to me, the other day, that I have been gainfully employed since I was nineteen. I worked at Chili’s as a hostess and back of house prep person for three years and then transitioned straight to working at the call center that I still work at. I hit my two-year anniversary there on March 3rd. Which seems insane, because it feels sorta like yesterday.
I am used to having money available – even if it’s only five dollars to splurge on Starbucks (like I totally did this morning, given that I woke up at 6:00 with my SO and still need to kill an hour and a half before I actually have to start heading to work). Not having my own funds will be strange. Not knowing exactly how I’ll pay my bills is absolute agony.
My SO will cover whatever I can’t. I’m aware of that. I’m his and he intends to take care of me. But I don’t want him to be responsible for all of my bills – which total about $750.
I pay half of rent, cable, and electric. I pay for our car insurance. I pay my phone bill and health insurance and for the up-keep of my pets (two snakes and two cats). I take turns with him on paying for grocery trips and eating out and other misc. activities.
Not doing that will feel like I’m not holding up my end of our dynamic – even though finances are only one aspect of it and something that he never stresses over. As he often points out to me, his money is my money is our money. And even though I only have $35 in the bank as of this moment, he has about $3,000 saved up – not including credit cards and a line of credit that total about $3,500 on their own. We will not starve, essentially. And I won’t need to decide between canceling my phone bill or the cable. He’s got it covered.
In a way, I love that feeling of security. On the other hand, I wish I could do more to help.
Which, he reminds me, I am. I’m going to school to start a new profession that will benefit both of us in real, lasting ways (assuming all goes well, of course). I’m working to become a better me – both for myself and for him. He’s there to support me, he says. To help.
I appreciate that way more than I can ever hope to adequately explain to him.
So. Instead of stressing today, because of trying to see too far ahead, I’m going to live in the moment. I’m going to look at the future as an abstract that will never actually come to pass – because as soon as it does, it will be the past in the very next second. That’s not to say that I’m not a bit nervous about going to the Orientation – I am. But I’m not sick-to-my-stomach like I was before the Nursing Information session. This time, I am feeling tentatively optimistic, instead of feeling dread and uncertainty.
*And on a side note, regarding my Breaking Rules post . . . I ended up wearing flip-flops. Life is funny that way, isn’t it? There are almost always options that you didn’t think of.